After

In some ways I feel so much closer to you.

In other ways you've grown ever more distant.

Making my way now through unfamiliar seas.

I fell asleep early last night and now I find myself up at 5:00 am. This is what I woke up to. Words floating around in my head thinking about my father. It's a soup. Some things floating more closely to the top with many emotions lurking below. I'm still trying to figure this space out. This space without you dad. 

Growing up has many phases.When I was kid I thought to myself, "When I grow up, I'm going to be..." I would fill in the blank with things like a teacher, a doctor, or veterinarian. I thought there was an end game. A destination to becoming. I didn't realize this growing up thing has nothing to do with obtaining an occupation. Well, that's not entirely true. It's more like that it's just part of it. Growing up is a process that just goes on and on.

Moving out.

My first job after college.

Getting married.

Having children.

Losing a parent. 

Theses events have sculpted me into the person I am now.

I wonder who I will be tomorrow.